Relationships Guru

Road Rage

2008-11-20T07:43:00.000-08:00

Q. How do you get your husband to realize he is not the only one on the road, and every one else is not there to bug him?

A. When people get behind the wheel, it seems like they often become different people. The nicest people in the world suddenly become angry and often end up in a rage over some little thing another driver does that they take as a personal slight. My theory is that many of us have unrealized anger built up inside us and we feel safer taking it out on strangers that being honest about it with those we know. Also, we live in a hurry-up world which makes us impatient to get from point A to point B.

Given that, I think your husband would benefit from relaxation exercises and finding a safe person to talk to so that he can vent his anger and frustration in healthier ways. Getting a punching bag might help, too! Also, recognizing that it usually wastes gas to speed on the road and that rushing to get ahead of someone may save him only a couple of minutes, may help him to try to relax behind the wheel.

When someone in front of me is pokey and I am in a hurry, I think to myself that maybe I am behind this person for a reason – getting to my destination a few minutes later might save me from an accident. Your calm and loving suggestions to relax may also help him to slow down and smell the roses. A little less caffeine may help, too! :-)

Ask me a question by clicking "comments" below the video. All questions are anonymous!

Continue your relationship education with this video, enjoy!

Elderly Parents and Dating

2008-11-20T07:38:00.000-08:00

Q. What do you tell your 88-year-old father when he asks you if he should date again after your mother passes away?

A. As long as he is not jumping into a serious relationship and as long as he keeps his finances private, I see nothing wrong with it. Encourage him to give himself time to grieve, and then see dates as friends and not replacements for his wife. Should he marry again, he will want to make sure that it will be good for both him and his future wife, so suggest that he take his time in enjoying the company of those he dates and getting to know them.

The bottom line is, it is his life and too much interference will not be appreciated. Try to be encouraging and supportive because dating will help to keep him from getting lonely and depressed.

Ask me a question by clicking "comments" below. All questions are anonymous!

Work Relationships

2008-11-20T07:34:00.000-08:00

Q. What do you do when your supervisor believes negative comments about you made by another employee without getting your side of the story?

A. Ask your supervisor for a meeting and bring up your concern to her. Let her know how it makes you feel when she listens to what others have to say about you without giving you the benefit of the doubt and talking with you about it first. Tell her her that it kills morale and makes you feel ganged up on when that happens. Asking her to put herself in your shoes and to go to you first next time before assuming that what someone has said about you is true may help. If you do all of this in a respectful and calm manner, she will be likely to listen to you. In a situation like this, it is best to wait until you have calmed down and can talk in a non-judgmental manner before arranging a meeting. Your boss may have judged you unfairly but if you also give your boss the benefit of the doubt, you will be showing an example of what you are trying to get across.

Ask me a question by clicking "comments" below. All questions are anonymous!

Dating Before Marriage

2008-11-20T07:30:00.000-08:00

Q. How long should a couple date before they get married?

A. A couple should date as long as it takes to get to know the other person pretty well. No one will ever know another person fully before marriage and probably not even after. However, important things to do before marriage are to discuss with one another life goals, values, the handling of finances, parenting, etc. to make sure your and your partner's desires and values match up relatively closely.

Another important thing to do is to get to know your partner's friends and family members and spend time with them. Listening to what they say about your partner’s character and watching how he treats his family and friends (especially his mother) is a good indication as to how he will treat you. Men, do the same with your partners.

The bottom line is there is no magic number to shoot for, but if you are very young or have been in a marriage gone bad, you should wait longer until you have more life experience and have received some counseling before jumping into a relationship.

Ask me a question by clicking "comments" below. All questions are anonymous!

Premarital Sex

2008-11-20T07:27:00.000-08:00

Q. As a Christian following Bible based matters, why is it so wrong to have sex before marriage?

A. Sex before marriage is not advisable because sex is more than a physical act. It is also an act of giving your soul to someone else. When you have sex with someone, whether it means something more than the physical act to you or not, you give a part of yourself away to that person that you can never get back if you break up. In our “do it now if it feels good” world, people give no thought to the consequences of their actions. But I have talked to many women who wished that they had saved themselves for marriage because they had many experiences of feeling used and unvalued as a person. Even men, who often have a more casual attitude toward sex often regret the casual encounters they have had.

Now for those of you who are not Christians, you can stop reading here if you like, but I hope you will hear me out. God created sex for procreation, but also to bring a level of intimacy to marriage that would help bind them to one another. He knew the problems that would occur from casual or inappropriate use of sex. I don’t have to tell you what those are, but besides STD’s, unwanted pregnancies, and feelings of shame, premarital sex often causes the ghosts of former partners to be present in a marriage. Not only does a partner compare his or her lover to others they have had, but partners also wonder if their lovemaking measures up to that of other lovers their partners have had. When virgins marry, they don’t have these specters lurking in the shadows.

Of course, if you are reading this and have already had sex outside of marriage, there is hope for you. You can’t get back what you have lost, but you can find healing from the wounds with therapy and a change of lifestyle. Teaching others what you have learned through your mistakes is often a wonderful form of therapy because you can see some good come out of painful experiences.

Ask me a question by clicking "comments" below. All questions are anonymous!

Dating Advice - Difficult Person

2008-11-03T14:10:00.001-08:00

Q.: Hi there! So I have a question about relationships…how does one deal with a rather difficult person?

A.: Well, first you have to figure out if the level of difficulty in the relationship is worth it. How much do you care about this person and can the difficulties be worked through, or are they always there, weighing you down? Or do you find the difficulties challenging and exciting because he keeps you on your toes? If you find the relationship worth the difficulty, you may have to find creative ways to tame your man, making sure that you do so in a respectful way, and not allowing any disrespect from him, either. Sometimes telling a story that drives home a point can be a good tactic. If he really cares about you, he will listen and try to understand where you are coming from and make adjustments in how he relates to you.

Ask me a question by clicking "comments" below the video. All questions are anonymous!

Continue your relationship education with this video, enjoy!

Dating Advice - Engagement Dilemma

2008-11-03T14:05:00.000-08:00

Q.: That’s so true. I’ve been in a long relationship and I’ve had to work a lot but in the end I loved the person more. One question though, I want to marry this person but I can’t afford the ring and wedding I know she wants, she’s losing patience, what can I do, help please!

A.: You say you know she wants a certain ring and wedding that is above your budget right now, yet is losing patience. If she knows your financial situation, but is in a hurry to get married, I have a feeling she will compromise. If she cares more about being with you than the wedding of her dreams, I think she will. In the end, after the wedding is done, all that really matters anyway is that the person you marry is the one who is right for you. I suggest having a straight-up conversation with her about where you are financially, how long you expect it to take to be able to afford the wedding of her dreams and the ring she wants, and ask her if she would rather wait for that or settle for something more affordable. Then leave the ball in her court.

Ask me a question by clicking "comments" below. All questions are anonymous!